4 min readNew DelhiMay 11, 2026 04:00 PM IST
Veteran actor Neetu Kapoor recently reflected on her marriage with late actor Rishi Kapoor, sharing candid details about how disagreements between them often led to long periods of silence. Speaking during a podcast conversation with Soha Ali Khan, Neetu revealed that arguments with Rishi Kapoor frequently turned into what she described as “cold wars,” sometimes lasting for months.
Explaining why this pattern developed, she said, “I used to fight with him for months. My husband was very strong-minded. Whenever we had a fight, I couldn’t put myself across to him because he wouldn’t listen to me. So I would go on this cold war with him, and it could go for a month or six months. I wouldn’t bend till the time he asked me okay what’s your problem?”
She also shared how these long silences became such a regular part of their relationship that family members would joke about it. According to Neetu, even her mother-in-law would tease the couple by saying they were “married only for half the time” because they spent so many months not speaking to each other. Despite the tension, she recalled that Rishi Kapoor would eventually try to reconnect. “He would message kids, spoken to mom? Is she okay? What’s happening? And then he would come to me accha kya problem hai bata yaar (tell me what’s the problem). Then he would do anything I would say. Go on a diet, lose 5-10 kgs, start exercising, he would do everything,” she said.
Neetu Kapoor — trending on Google for the past 24 hours — also admitted that she often felt intimidated by Rishi Kapoor in the early years of their relationship because of his strong personality and the larger world he introduced her to.
But what impact can this pattern have on emotional intimacy and trust over time?
Dr Sakshi Mandhyan, psychologist and founder of Mandhyan Care, tells indianexpress.com, “Long periods of silence may reduce immediate conflict, but they usually increase emotional distance. I see that when couples stop communicating after disagreements, the nervous system does not actually settle. In effect, the stress simply becomes quieter.”
From a psychological perspective, she adds that repeated emotional withdrawal affects attachment security. One partner may begin feeling emotionally unsafe or unseen. The other may believe silence protects the relationship from escalation. Over time, both people stop feeling emotionally reachable to each other. “Cold wars also create interpretation gaps. In the absence of communication, the mind fills silence with assumptions, resentment, insecurity or hurt. Emotional intimacy weakens because repair never fully happens,” mentions the expert.
Why do some people emotionally shut down or withdraw during conflict?
“I regularly notice in my practice that people shut down when they no longer feel emotionally heard,” says Dr Mandhyan, adding that after repeated experiences of interruption, dismissal, overpowering responses or emotional invalidation, our nervous system begins to protect itself through withdrawal.
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She explains that this is not always intentional avoidance. In psychology terminology, it can reflect a freeze response. The person feels that expression will not change anything, so silence begins to feel safer than vulnerability.
Healthier conflict-resolution habits
First and foremost, Dr Mandhyan stresses, it needs to be acknowledged that conflict becomes healthier when couples stop seeing disagreements as threats to the relationship, or as battles to win.
She adds that difficult conversations usually go better when both people are emotionally regulated rather than reacting in the heat of anger. “I encourage couples to pause, settle, and finally return to the conversation instead of disappearing into silence or avoidance.”
It also helps when partners learn to listen without preparing a defence immediately. Feeling heard reduces emotional escalation and emotional insecurity. Small repair attempts matter too. “A calm check-in, an apology, or acknowledging the other person’s hurt can prevent distance from building for long periods. Strong relationships are not conflict-free. They are repair-oriented,” concludes Dr Mandhyan.
